Sputnik Sweetheart

The true essence of medical philosophy, ignored only by a few altruistic renegades, is ‘the doctor must never admit that he is wrong.’

But how do the erstwhile mortals acquire their ineffability?

There is a hierarchy. First they are novitiates whose faith is sorely tested by autos-da-fe. They have to burn (in midnight oil) four long years. Thereafter, if not consumed, they enter a monastic order infamous for its asceticism—-the ‘Somnambulists’ (in other words, interns). After a year of sleepless penance, they can in turn become flagellators for the younger postulants. And in time, they are initiated. now there is no limit to their advancement in the Holy Order. Bishop, cardinal—-even the Vatican.

Except in medicine, there are ten thousand Romes: the pediatric papacy, the neurological, the psychiatric (whence the term ‘spiritual father’). There even is a Sacred Seat for the proctologist. Saint Peter built a church upon a rock. For many doctors, gallstones have sufficed.

But it all commences in ritual humiliation. And be it Buffalo or Boston, Mississipi or Montana, the rites are similar. Those who aspire to face the agony and suffering of humankind must first themselves become acquainted with it.